Finding My Faith

"Faith is confidence in what we hope for, and assurance about what we do not see." 

- Hebrews 11:1

For as long as I can remember, I have gone to church. Some of my earliest memories are of sitting on my grandpa's lap during sermons, going to Sunday School, and hiding in the choir robes while my mom rehearsed. Although my mom has always identified as nondenominational, my family has attended a Methodist church since I was two years old. 

As a young child, it is easy to believe whatever you are told. I don't remember any instances as a kid where I sat there and wondered, "is God really real?" My family and church both told me that He was, so I blindly believed them. I would pray with my mom every night thanking God for the day we'd had and the days to come. My favorite part of those nights was saying "in Jesus name we pray, amen" because my mom and I would go back and forth saying each word, and I always got to say "amen". Like most children, I believed what I was told about religion. 

The older I became, the more I began to wonder what I was even doing. I began to question why we did the things we did, such as praying every night and going to church. I didn't see the point, and I thought it was completely unrealistic to say that there is some greater power watching over us. I never vocalized my doubts because I thought that there was something wrong with me. Why couldn't I believe in God when I went to a church full of people who centered their whole lives around Him? What was it about me that made me constantly question everything I had grown up hearing? It's a very difficult feeling at any age to feel as though there is something fundamentally wrong with you that's blocking your way to happiness, but especially so as a child/preteen. 

At age fourteen, I went through the whole process of Confirmation completely convinced that I was an atheist. I don't know how other denominations do Confirmation, but in the Methodist Church, myself and the other teens helped out with the entire sermon that day. Part of what we did was assist in communion. I remember seeing the pride on my  mom's face when she took a piece of bread from me. She had tears in her eyes from the overwhelming joy she felt at seeing me be Confirmed. It was at that moment that I told myself that I would keep going to church with her and acting as though I felt God's power; I didn't want to let her down. 

I went through the next two years going through the motions. I went to church with my mom, sang in the choir, attended youth group, and did everything I could think of to make sure my mom believed that I was all in for God--- even though that couldn't have been further from the truth. It wasn't until I met an incredible family that my faith changed forever. 

Brett and Rebekah Strasma came into my life at a point where I needed Christ more than ever, and was further from Him than I had ever been. They were asked to come to our church as worship leaders for a new, contemporary service. Brett had grown up in our church, and his mother still attended. I was extremely close with her and viewed her as a "third grandma", so when Brett and Rebekah joined our church, I went into meeting them with an open mind. My mom and I are both singers, and were interested in joining the worship team for the contemporary service; we were both tired of the traditional hymns and music that the normal service used. We talked it over with the Strasmas and joined the worship team shortly after. 

Although I had no clue at the time, the Strasmas were the biggest blessing I could have received. Because of them and their unwavering faith, I began to feel God more and more at every rehearsal. There was something about Rebekah specifically that made me want to feel Jesus so badly. Her faith made her so happy and gave her such an incredible outlook on life. Christianity shined through her; she was a beacon of light no matter where she went. Being a part of the worship team for a year and a half and spending so much time with Brett and Rebekah was the factor that ultimately shaped my faith. 

It broke my heart the day I found out that the Strasmas had to leave our church, and I was so scared that my faith would leave at the same time. But what I learned from the entire experience is that faith, in any religion, cannot be based purely off of the people around us. It goes so much deeper than that. Jesus can be found in any and all parts of your daily lives. He's in the sunshine, the smiles of those around us, and the laughter that is so contagious that you can't stop no matter how hard you try. He's in the storms where the thunder is shaking your walls, the tears when you lose a loved one, and the uncertainty of the unknown. Christ is all around you--- you just have to be willing to look for Him.